What Kind of Animals ARE We?

These have been a rough couple of weeks for the humanoids of America, especially the ones who have genitalia of the penile variety.  Schwarzenegger, Edwards, Spitzer, Woods, Sanford…I’ve lost count of all the prominent men in America who have gone woefully astray.  And now caught, literally, with his pants down is the Democratic pit bull with the unfortunate surname, Weiner.

Today I heard someone say dolphins are the only other animals besides humans that have sex just for the fun of it.   That’s not true; there is a wide range of species that engage in both autoeroticism and homosexual behavior, and some have been known to fool around together even when the female is not in estrous.   But I’ve never heard anything about a dolphin sending photos of his nether parts to females in another pod.  I could be wrong.

I have given this subject a lot of thought over the years.  At one time I was thoroughly convinced there was something lacking in me because I never had a serious relationship with a man who didn’t find it necessary to seek sexual activity elsewhere.  Lately, however, I ‘m thinking somewhere along the line the human species has run itself off into a ditch in a desperate effort to use their superior brainpower to bring order to an ever increasing population.

I don’t have to be an expert in human sexual behavior to observe that a lot of men and women fail to comply with the sexual monogamy our modern societal construct requires of them.  They seem to be comfortable enough in the social monogamy practiced in so much of the world – two spouses, one set of offspring living in one house, of which he is supposed to be the head.  But sex with the same person week in (or month…or year) and week out just doesn’t cut it for many.   Then there’s that whole thing about needing to be appreciated and adored.

In six decades of living I have seen what was once confined to clandestine perusal of girlie magazines, strip clubs and secret trysts become an in-your-face barrage of internet pornography, sexting and indiscretions on jetliners.  The means to the end may have changed, but the underlying reason for the quest has always been the same.  Some people cannot comfortably keep the commitments they naively make because social customs and mores say it is required.

And then there are women.   Again, I have no credentials except my long and active life to support this theory, but I do believe most women are raised to think they will pair up with their “soulmate” (I hate that word), have a family and live happily ever after.  The fairy tales most beloved by little girls seem to feature a damsel in some sort of calamitous distress who is saved by an always handsome prince, no less, and swept off to live happily… well, you know. 

Society has created all kinds of safeguards against a mate’s predilection for sexual variety by inventing religions that weigh in and weigh them down with the threat of eternal damnation for breaking their vows, especially if it is with somebody else’s spouse. 

Women, on the whole, internalize that approach from the time they get their first baby doll. They start practicing their nesting behaviors with shocking pink plastic appliances before they even go to school.  Variety is not nearly as important to most women as is security.   She needs to know that if she goes ahead and produces those offspring with the guy, he will be around later to feed and clothe them.  It would also be nice to have him around to love her and allow her to love him back.  Since leaving the *nest* is not an option for the majority of women, thanks to their built-in instinct to nurture their young, if the mate strays too far, she knows the burden will fall squarely on her shoulders. Random women swinging on her playground equipment represent a threat to that security, so no random women allowed.

Cue the webcam!

Is it the testosterone that causes this?  Isn’t there some antidote for that stuff?  A 12-step program of some kind?  The world is spinning off its axis, the climate changes have us sweltering in 90 degree heat in the middle of spring, wars are breaking out everywhere and the economy has forgotten which way up is.  So what are we doing?  We are amusing ourselves with the ridiculously stupid antics of another man. 


I know, I know.  He’s not just ANY moron.