The Infinite Value of a Hug

 

Yesterday was spent at my grandnephew’s high school graduation and the partying that followed.  It was a grand hodgepodge of blended families, ex-spouses, new spouses and best friends.

The honoree has always been a study in contrasts.  His grandmother, my sister, raised him from the age of 18 months until he was around six or seven.  His mother, a young woman with many issues, and his father, my nephew with different many issues, were far from ready to raise a child anywhere near his Nana’s standards, so she took the child in.

Over the years it has become clear to me that the graduate’s social awkwardness, avoidance of eye contact and rather odd responses to things around him place him on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum – probably Asperger's Syndrome.  His father, who has raised him and his two younger siblings alone since they left my sister’s home, has never been able to come to grips with the idea that there is an underlying reason for his son’s “differentness.” All one needed to do to experience his condition is attempt to hug him. 

His posture is rigid, even in repose.  It would not seem possible, but when I approached him for a hug, he would stiffen beneath my arms and mumble something unintelligible.  With age he learned to feign receptiveness to warm, friendly touches, but his hugger always got the message.

As I prepared to leave the festivities, the graduate reached his own arms out in my direction, encircled my shoulders and squeezed with deliberate gusto.  Tears of joy immediately sprang to my eyes, tears of surprise and unadulterated pride.  He had just told me he had been accepted to a Georgia college with a strong soccer program.  His prowess in the sport made him popular among teammates and fans, in spite of his affective differences.  Our family had succeeded in loving him into success.

Perhaps you are not a big hugger, but Americans in general tend to hug a lot.  We do it in greeting.  We do it in parting.  We do it to console each other and to convey our love.  I really never thought that much about the importance of the hug in my life until just now, when I read a post by Open Salon blogger femme forte aka Candace. 

I have known for years now that she is and exceptional writer. This one, though, is in a class by itself.  It allows the reader to crawl inside her head as she waits in line at the supermarket. It is really about how she is handling the impending death of her beloved brother.  She shares memories of their bond, triggered by two children in the line with her.

When it was over, I was crushed to see that Candace had understandably closed the comments.  That’s when I realized that here on Open Salon, our version of a hug is a loving comment, and I couldn’t give her one this time.  I felt a little like a puppy looking through the door’s window wanting to get inside. 

These seemingly mindless gestures we humans create for our non-verbal communication needs are really a lot more meaningful than I thought – as much to the giver as to the receiver. 

Coyotes in the ‘Hood

 

A lot goes on in the dark of night, no matter where one happens to live.  Nocturnal animals of numerous species wake up, yawn, stretch, and set off to do what it is they do just as soon as the dusk has morphed into darkness.

Most of the midnight predators in my in-town Atlanta neighborhood are of the bipedal type.  They skulk around trendy nightlife venues, waiting for a drunk or clueless suburban visitor to stumble toward her car while talking on the ubiquitous smartphone that petty bipeds like to snatch and sell. Handguns are usually brandished in this process, sort of like a ritual dance seen more often in the avian species.

Some drive around in fin-tailed hoopties, sometimes with the lights off so as not to attract the security patrol with their hunting speeds.  This biped prefers four-wheeled prey, especially Honda Civics and Jeep Cherokees, again to snatch and sell.

And, as was the case a month ago, every now and then one of them will “select a mate” without the consent or cooperation of the biped’s selection and have his way with her right there on the sidewalk.

Most of the time I am unaware of the nightly drama outside my four walls, hearing only the hoo, hoo, hoo of our Eastern Screech Owl neighbors in the backyard.  The rest of the time I might hear the repeat of a handgun in the distance, but decide it was just a car backfiring.  No sense in worrying about something I can’t control, right?

Wednesday morning three or four pet cats in our neighborhood were found mauled and eviscerated.  At the same time, a neighbor reported having watched two vicious dogs roaming the neighborhood, chasing cats; she even got a picture of the scary delinquents.  Case solved. 

In less than two hours animal control had picked up the canine hoodlums and begun the search for their unfortunate owners who were going to be held responsible for their pets’ serial murders.

This morning a neighbor reported that she is 99.9% certain she saw a COYOTE at an intersection two blocks from my house.  At the very same time I was reading that email a news story was on television, discussing the increased population of urban coyotes in Georgia!  What?!?!?!?

This new evidence might be just what the dogs’ defense attorney will need to spring the pooches from custody,  At the very least, the element of reasonable doubt has been introduced. 

I have lived in Atlanta since 1993.  I have seen foxes, opossums, lizards, snakes and roaches big enough to have their own zip codes.  But a coyote?

As it turns out, it is not uncommon for coyotes to turn up in cities.  They are timid by nature and run from humans, so they have changed over time from diurnal to nocturnal to reduce the likelihood of human encounters. 

Neighbors who have outdoor cats who refuse to come in at night are very concerned.

30 Children Too Much for Tennessee Moron—ya think?!

 

Desmond Hatchett might be an irresponsible idiot who is probably the poster boy for out of control sex addiction, but one positive thing I can say about him is he sure stays busy.  Unfortunately, he’s not busy earning a living wage commensurate with his responsibilities.

Hatchett, 33, is only three short of having fathered one child for every year of his life.  That’s right, at 33 he has 30 children, none over the age of 14.  I know that sounds impossible, but it isn’t if you have 11 women popping them out for you.  Twice in his “productive” life, Hatchett has sired four children in the same year!

If you were to tell me it’s none of my business how many children anybody has, I’d be right there with you – as long as, like the famous Duggers of TV fame, they are able to find a way to feed, clothe and shelter the brood without hitting me up for subsidization. Sadly, this is not the case for the prolific Mr. Hatchett.

Instead, Hatchett works a minimum wage job.  Imagine how far one of those 11 stupid mothers can make $1.49 stretch over a month.  Yep, that’s the amount some of them are getting. 

So, of course, Hatchett had no choice but to petition the court in Knoxville, Tennessee for leniency on his child support payments.  Leniency?  Really?

According to a LA Times report in the May 21st edition, there is a distinct possibility that Desmond Hatchett  in behind bars and has been since November 2009 for an aggravated assault conviction.  Although the Corrections Department of Knox County (TN) has confirmed there is an inmate with that name, whether it is the Father of the Century has still not been determined. 

Instead of leniency, this record-setting sperm donor needs a vasectomy.  And the women who helped him achieve that dubious achievement need therapy so that they can fully understand the fact that they are human beings and not rabbits. 

There are 30 children in Tennessee who are destined for hard times, struggles and, saddest of all, the likelihood of continuing in the footsteps of their parents.  There is no getting around that.  And that is just wrong.

Hatchett should NOT receive leniency from the courts.  He should be required to work two or three jobs and turn 90% of what he earns over to the family court for distribution.  And if he doesn’t, he should be returned to jail for I-don’t-care-how-long.  Moron!

Man Chooses Alligator over Media Interview

 

Don’t take this personally, Savannah, but I might have been more comfortable in the ditch with that alligator than I am right now.

Well, now.  That’s the way NBC’s Today Show host Savannah Guthrie started her day.  Those were the first words out of the mouth of scientist Fred Boyce, an über-reluctant guest on this morning’s (Friday, May 18, 2012) broadcast.

One of my many duties as a public relations “expert” was to media train executives who were required to go on camera for live interviews.  As one might guess, the majority of those interviews were precipitated by some PR crisis that required damage control.  The execs were taught to speak in sound bites and answer only the question asked (unless s/he didn’t want to; then we taught them to sidestep it and answer the question THEY wished they had been asked.)

Savannah Guthrie seems like a sweetheart of a woman, but she is a member of the stealth crew commonly known as journalists.  I was both amused and sympathetic as I watched this interview unfold:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

This is what happens when random citizens are dragged kicking and screaming in front of a television camera.

Sorry, I wasn’t successful in my attempts to eliminate the ad that precedes the clip.

A Neighborhood to the Rescue

 (Photo by Diana Mendes, a dog-lover from an adjacent neighborhood who helped set the trap and check it.  She has visited the dog twice today that I know of.)

I started noticing the email thread on our neighborhood Yahoo Group on Sunday, May 6.  My neighbor down the block, who has raised four German Shepherd dogs, had spotted for the second time a clearly distressed female German Shepherd running through the neighborhood.

Soon sightings popped up every couple of hours on the listserv.  Attempts to lure the dog into capture were unsuccessful because she was frightened and completely unwilling to respond.  One such attempt, over the ensuing two days, ended with the dog running into traffic and into a moving taxicab. She bolted again, limping, and disappeared into the surrounding yards.

Concern for this desperate animal escalated among those of us who are active members of the listserv.  When someone who spotted her suggested the dog would most definitely need veterinary attention if we were lucky enough to catch her, offers of monetary help began pouring in, starting with one for $100! 
Determined not to spook the canine any more than she was, plans developed to procure a humane animal trap and bait it with food.  Our local vet – the one who has cared for Ms. Coqui Bishop, my 10 year-old Bichon Frise since she was 3 months old – agreed to allow the trap to be placed outside the animal hospital.  Although experts warned it was a long shot that the dog would take the bait, the trap was set up on Tuesday night.  That way, if the dog was captured, the vet would be able to sedate the dog, remove it from the trap and take it inside the hospital for evaluation.

One of the organizers of this effort went back to check the trap at 10:30 p.m. Tuesday.  She was absolutely gobsmacked to discover the dog inside the trap.  They said it was not likely to happen.  They said the chances were very slim.  But there she was, growling and snarling in fear at the delighted volunteer.

This Wednesday morning, the vet moved the dog into the hospital where she was given a preliminary examination.  He reported the dog to be in “pretty good shape, considering.”  There were no tags and no microchip.  She appears to have been spayed, based on what the vet described as scar tissue in the area.

Of course we had to select a name for her.  We didn’t want to continue calling her “The German Shepherd.”  Wonderful names poured in:

Heidi
Grolsch (inside joke)
Inman (our neighborhood is Inman Park)
Miracle (for obvious reasons)
Butterfly (our neighborhood logo is a butterfly)
Beatrix (means voyager or traveler)
Ebba (means strong)
Grizelda,or Zelda for short (means Maiden of Iron or Grey Warrior)
Orlantha (means from the land.)
Euclid (for one of our main arterial streets)

Of course we will put her picture on Facebook with the hope her owner will spot it and claim her.  But I have a feeling she was meant to serve as a K-9 partner for the Inman Park Security Patrol, if she is still young enough to be trained.

Much has been written and broadcast about the evils and dangers of social media, and I know there are many.  But this is a sterling example of how the tools of the 21st Century can be used for the greater good.  This dog was rescued from a certain death by caring neighbors who were connected with technology.

It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, Mr. Rogers.

Over-50s All Over the Place

It always seemed to me that by the time Baby Boomers came of age, they would be a political force to be reckoned with, a voting bloc for sweeping change.  These are the people who went to San Francisco with flowers in their hair; who sat down en masse and refused to buy what the Establishment was selling; and who turned the nation against the unwinnable war in Vietnam.  They probably were never a statistical majority, but they sure as hell were the most vocal and the most visible.

Instead, according to a report in the May 2012 edition of the AARP Bulletin, the surviving group has become an ideological Bell Curve, that iconic representation of a “normal distribution” our teachers once either terrorized us with or saved our bacon with, depending on which end of the curve you tended to fall.

Technically, I fall into what AARP calls the “Silent Generation” those of us ages 66-83 who preceded in birth the true boomers.  But at 67, I consider myself on the cusp and therefore, an honorary member of the boomers, who fall between the ages of 47 and 65.  And I most certainly shared their characteristics, as described in the AARP article--

• Older boomers more likely to support Democratic issues than younger boomers
• Frustrated with the government
• Especially concerned with their own personal financial future
• Almost half say life has gotten worse in the U.S. since the 1960s.

-- in contrast to those of the Silent Generation--

• Has consistently had conservative views on government and society
• Once part of one of the most Democratic generations, now the most Republican
• Favored McCain over Obama in ‘08
• Likely to favor Republicans on most issues, except Social Security

The Silent Generation (66-83) represents 17% of American voters, versus 37% for the Boomers(47-65) . 
But something strange happened on the way to Social Security, which turns out to be not so strange when I consider my own political evolution. With the predictable shifting of the sands of time and the gradual assimilation of the counter-culture into the workaday society, the curve has seriously flattened, leaving any chance of voting as a bloc nearly out of the question.  Many more categories are required to categorize the 50+ voters than just Democrat and Republican. And with this group’s almost 70% turnout rate at the polls, there will be plenty of them, but with what effect?

To illustrate the point, I have reproduced the chart on the right-hand side of the page of the article, based on data from the Pew Research Center for the People and the Press:
Staunch conservatives: highly engaged tea party supporters

All adults:  9%     Ages 50-64:  11%   Age 65+: 15%

Main Street Republicans: conservative on most issues

All adults: 12%   Ages 50-64:  11%  Age 65+:  14%

Libertarians: free market, small government seculars

All adults: 9%   Ages 50-64:  9%  Age 65+:  10%

Disaffecteds: downscale and cynical

All adults: 11%   Ages 50-64:  15%  Age 65+:  11%

Postmoderns: moderates, liberal on social issues

All adults: 13%   Ages 50-64:  11%  Age 65+:  8%

New coalition Democrats: upbeat, majority-minority

All adults: 10%   Ages 50-64:  9%  Age 65+:  11%

Hard-pressed Democrats: religious, financially struggling

All adults: 13%   Ages 50-64:  16%  Age 65+:  15%

Solid liberals: across-the-board liberal positions

All adults: 14%   Ages 50-64:  14%  Age 65+:  13%

Bystanders: young and/or politically disengaged

All adults: 11%   Ages 50-64:  6%  Age 65+:  3%

While people age 50 and above are 44% of the total number of eligible American voters, their near-70% turnout rate should be enough to warrant significant attention from both Barack Obama and Mitt Romney.  The challenge for them is to try to figure out how to address such a surprisingly diverse constituency.

As for any gender differences, the AARP article cites over-50 men’s top issues as jobs, the deficit, government competence and health care costs.  For women, the top issues are health care costs, jobs, Social Security/Medicare and government competence.  These stats were pulled from the AARP Bulletin’s 2012 Election Issues Survey.  While the order of importance is slightly different by gender, the issues are virtually identical.

It will be interesting to watch the two Presidential candidates handle these challenges; that is, if they even recognize them.

Source:  AARP Bulletin, May 2012, Vol.53 No.4