Friday, May 14, 2010

How to Make Me Flinch (this one caused quite a stir over on Open Salon)

I'm not sure how I became a grammar Nazi. Maybe it comes from being threatened with a yardstick by a nun who didn't abide the misuse of the King's English. Maybe I have a hearing anomaly, something in my inner ear that quakes and rattles my nerves whenever someone uses the wrong version of a root word in their writing or in their speech.

For instance, there is a distinct difference between “feeling nauseous” and “feeling nauseated.” The way I understand it, if I look at a pile of calves’ liver on a platter and I suddenly feel like I’m going to toss my cookies, I feel nauseated. It is the pile of liver on the platter that is nauseous. Unless you mean to say that you have the ability to cause nausea in another person by your very appearance or presence, there is no way for you to “feel nauseous.” This one is the equivalent of the proverbial fingernails on a chalkboard.

Sister Mary Holy Water would not tolerate rudeness in her classroom, especially when it came to the spoken word. In my day, if I put my name first in any kind of list I could very well be banished to the dreaded cloak room for a time out. (I don’t know why they called it that – she was the only one in the room who wore a cloak!) “Sally, Joseph, Antoinette, Tommy and I were playing Hide and Go Seek.” Well, maybe that’s not a great example. Sister’s first thought would not be my grammar, but what the hell was going on in this boy-girl group!

Grammatically, I was to always put myself last, and I was also to use the proper Case when referring to myself. What, you don’t remember nominative and objective case? Sheesh.

“I” is the nominative form, and is used when naming a subject of a sentence. “Me” is the objective case and is saved for self-referencing after a preposition; e.g. “Give it to me.” or “She gave me a dime.”, where the preposition “to” is inferred. Many speakers and writers get confused when they must combine themselves with another person in a statement. For instance, it is correct to say “My boyfriend and I went to a movie.” It is incorrect to say “My boyfriend and me went to the movies.” And it’s just plain obnoxious to say “Me and my boyfriend went to the movies,” which is what I hear most often from people younger than 30. One wouldn’t say “Me went to the movies.” – at least I hope not. That’s the way to test for correctness when using a compound subject –see if the word you chose works when standing alone in the same position in the sentence.

“The doctor was giving the bad news to my husband and I.” Is this correct? I know a lot of people who think it is, but, no, it is not. The word “to” that precedes “my husband and…” demands that you refer to yourself as “me.” No literate person would say “The doctor was giving the bad news to I.”

Then there is the verb “to feel.” It is something one either does with one’s hands or does with one’s heart. The two verb forms behave grammatically in entirely different ways. The only way to feel badly is to have a physical problem in your hands that prevents you from experiencing the complete sense of touch. “I was feeling my way in the dark, but must have felt badly, because I fell down the stairs.”

When discussing how you feel emotionally, it is either good or bad, not well or badly. When discussing how you feel physically or existentially, it is well, good or bad, but not badly. And yet, I have heard TV talking heads, the President of the United States, CEOs and Dr. Phil use it incorrectly. It makes me shudder.

Finally, there is take vs. bring. “Bring this to your mother when you go home.” Wrong. On the cover of People Magazine not too long ago, in a caption under a picture of Elizabeth Edwards were the words “She brought Christmas gifts to Quinn.” ARRRGGGH. That’s just wrong. In general, movement away from the speaker requires take, took or taken. Movement toward the speaker calls for bring, brought, brought. In the example from People, it is the subject of the sentence that determines which verb to use. She (Elizabeth Edwards) moved items (gifts) away from herself, so the correct verb is took. To me, that error might as well have been flashing in neon bulbs on the cover of a national magazine. I was shocked enough to write to the editor.

That’s enough for now, but there are so many more. What are some that bug you?

4 comments:

  1. Hopefully. As in, hopefully, I'll pass the test. Hopefully is an adverb and cannot modify a personal pronoun such as I. One can say, "I hope I pass the test." Not "Hopefully I'll pass the test."

    But you know, Lezlie, not many even care about grammar any more. They scoff at those of us who could diagram the most complex sentence in a heartbeat. Big deal, right? But, in a way, the more we are disrespectful of the correct usage, the faster our language becomes muddled. And...there's another one:

    I've always thought disrespect to be a noun rather than a verb. It wasn't until the last decade or so that I've come to understand it has morphed into a verb, as in "You disrespect my values."

    Elora

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  2. Very good. These errors drive me crazy also!!! I was hoping you would also address the use of "myself" as in "John and myself" or "he gave it to John and myself"...Aarrgghh!!!! What???!!!

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  3. Most of the older readers who commented on OS were in agreement with us. There were a few snarky younger ones whose messages amounted to "You're old. Things change. Get over it."

    Respect has always been a verb, as far as I know, so I don't see why disrespect wouldn't work that way. What a continue and discontinue? They are both verbs.

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  4. Anonymous, I think the misuse of 'myself' in the way you describe has been borne out of the discomfort with I and me. People think they are being PC when they say that. Why? Beats me. It's just wrong.

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