She's a Grown-Ass Woman, You Moron!

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Coquette, but my human, known to you as L in the Southeast or Lezlie, just calls me "Coqui." I'm a dog, so they tell me; a Bichon Frise, which means curly puppy in French. Cute, huh? Leave it to the French to make something as simple as a dog with massive amounts of thick, curly hair sound like the fourth course in a 7-course meal.

Anyway, I digress. I'm not very good on the keyboard, so forgive any mis-types. My paws, while very dainty, always hit more than one key at a time, and I can't figure out how to fix my mistakes. And my English isn't great, seeing as how I'm supposed to be French. But Lezlie just left to go to her chi-chi water aerobics class -- whatever that is --so I thought I'd take this opportunity to hijack the computer machine and tell you what happened earlier this week.

Y'all know (oh, yeah, we live in Georgia, remember?) that Lezlie's been trying to sell our house for a year now. She says the value of the house continues to plunge, so she decided to use one of those ForSaleByOwner programs and save several thousand dollars in commissions to an agent.

We were where we usually are on any given day -- she's sitting on the couch with the TV on and the computer machine sitting on her lap, and I'm laying at her feet. This makes her think I adore her and she gives me great treats because of it. Anyway, I can tell she's reading posts on this thing she calls her bog or blug or whatever you call it, because every once in a while she snorts her approval of something somebody wrote. She evens laughs out loud sometimes, which scares the fleas off my hind end.

Man, it is hard to stay on track on this computer machine! I'll try harder to stay on point. No, not en pointe, like the ballerina that I am, but on the story that I really came here to tell you.

So the phone rings. Lezlie picks up and answers in her sing-song voice, I guess because she doesn't know who it is yet. I raised my head and looked up at her just in time to see her pull her mouth tight the way she does when I throw up on the living room carpet. Uh-oh, I think. What did I do now? Then her face started changing colors, her nostrils were flaring and I could have sworn I saw steam or smoke or something coming out of her ears. That was enough for me! I got up and got the hell out of there.

Later, after she calmed down, things went back to normal. I didn't know until I took a look at her email while she was at her Silver Sneakers class yesterday (don't ask ME; I'm a dog)  that things were far from normal. I found a string of emails between Lezlie and the guy who made her breathe fire on the phone:

Lezlie wrote: Mitch, I think you were rather brusque with me on the phone yesterday. Your diatribe about there not being enough interior pictures on the listing and how I was wasting your time by not telling you what I had in my house really caught me off guard; you might want to tone it down a notch. Here's the brochure about the house. All the features are listed, as they were in the listing, although you said they weren't. A video tour will be added on Monday, after the holiday weekend. If you're interested, I just reduced the price.

Mitch wrote:
Lez
You might want to listen to a Full Time Realtor that has a buyer. I just deleted all my thoughts because you would never understand it... Good luck on your photo of your home..



"OMG, Mitch," I think. "You might as well have sent a scud missile over here, man. Brace yourself." I was surprised -- very surprised-- when Lezlie didn't respond at all. But then:

Mitch wrote: Lez, Put yourself in my situation, I am here to show my clients homes and I come across yours which have NO interior photos ETC.... NOTHING.. I am not here to make you happy but I am to make my buyers happy. Yes, I am going to be upset with you because you make my life crazy which means no interior pics and no info on anything.. I usually look over itI know you are not a Realtor, I see that.... Get mad at me if you wish, I am here to get a home for my clients and your ""listings"" does nothing for anyone..
Good Luck Lez
I hit your nerve when I said there is no photos interior.. No reason to hate me..

Now I'm getting excited because I know Lezlie and she's going to blow her stack now.  Let's see what "Lez" said:

Lezlie wrote: First of all, my name is Lezlie. If you don't like my listing, move on. Get over yourself.

What??!!!? That's it? Such restraint! Such class! I'm so proud.

Mitch wrote: DONE Here I am trying to sell your home and you have said NO, Good luck on your sale..

Lezlie wrote: Nothing. She wrote nothing. You go girl!

But then...

Mitch wrote: Your video does not play..

Is this guy for real? Didn't she just tell him....Oops, she's back. Gotta go.

Lezlie: Hi, Coqui. Did you miss me? I came back as I always do. Were you a good girl? Let's see what should I do first? Oh yeah, I've got an email to send.

Lezlie writes:

Mr. W:

My friend who is an agent for The Golley Team tells me that you might be the managing broker for Coldwell Banker Intown. If you are not, I would appreciate it if you would forward this message to the person who is in charge.

My home is listed through C21ClickIt.com, Century 21’s Sale by Owner program. I chose the package I could afford, which includes two photos. On Wednesday evening of this week I received a call from Mitch G. , who immediately launched into a rude diatribe about how a listing without interior photos is a waste of his time and if I want to sell my house I needed to tell him what I have. I have never been talked to by any real estate agent that way and was taken aback. I told him I would send him the brochure.


Attached there is an email string that, when read from the bottom up, will show you what happened next. I think you will agree that this man is beyond rude and needs to learn how to talk to people, if nothing else. Here is the link to my listing, Buyer Full Report, which Mr. G has deemed incomplete. As you can see, despite his message that my video won’t play, the video has yet to be posted, which I explained in my message.

I don’t want this guy anywhere near me or my house.



Response from broker:
Hi Lezlie,
My name is Lisa J. and I am now the Managing Broker of the Coldwell Banker Intown Office. I read the email and I sincerely want to apologize. I will be speaking with Mitch next week as he is out of town. Please let me know if you would like me to follow up with you once I have spoken with him. Again, I am sorry.

Coqui wrote: Hey y'all, I'm back. She went to Publix to buy more treats for me. I hid the ones we had so I could get back to my writing.

Well, she didn't let me down. That'll teach that moron Mitch to treat people like children. Hey, Mitch! I guess you know now. My human is a grown-ass woman and she will git chu if you don't treat her with respect. Uh-oh, here she comes...