Now Can I Love My Hair?

Hair is nothing but trouble. It must be washed, combed, brushed, conditioned, grown out, cut back, thinned out, colored and kept out of one's eyes. We would be so much better off if we just didn't have hair, right?

Uh-uh. That couldn't be more wrong. Hair is a "woman's crowning glory." Longer and silkier hair is sought after, no matter if it has to be purchased in a cellophane bag and glued to her scalp. And that damned Barbie, she of the humanly impossible body and silky blonde hair down to her booty, is the one who actually started a lot of this mess.

With a few notable exceptions (Fonzi, Kookie, Kookie, Lend me Your Comb, hippies and rock stars) men seem to barely tolerate their hair -- until it starts falling out into their Wheaties every morning. Then it becomes a critical mass, the symbol of their virility, their youth and their ability to "get girls."

Something major happened in the world of hair recently. Sesame Street introduced a new Muppet. This so far nameless puppet is brown "skinned" and has a child-sized mop of dark, kinky hair.

No group of people on earth spend more time and money agonizing over, processing and attempting to tame their hair than African American women, and to a certain extent, African American men. Historically, it has been the source of great angst, sensitivity and sometimes even shame. If you don't believe me, waltz into any beauty supply retailer and take a look at the row after row of products and accessories designed specifically for the textured locks we of African descent tend to possess.

In a recent post, Color Me Redbone , I briefly mentioned how much I hated my hair as a child. My white mother's hair was naturally curly, jet black, long and luxurious. Mine? It was and is the "perfect" blend of my mother's soft, fine strands, and my African American father's thick, woolly mane. I inherited the worst characteristics of each side's contribution. No matter if I go to a black stylist or a white one, they all struggle with my hair, which doesn't respond well to "typical" handling.

Lately, the cultural secrets surrounding our hair have started to be outed to the general American public. Chris Rock's movie "Good Hair" was released last year.







This new little Muppet will do great things for our community. Apparently, it has already started because the YouTube video of the cotton character singing a little ditty about loving her hair has gone viral.






If you think I am making a mountain out of a molehill, I think you are mistaken. This puppet was developed because of the great love a man named Joey Mazzarino has for his Ethiopian-born adopted daughter. He and his wife noticed that when the little girl was first introduced to her Barbie dolls she began to complain about her own hair and to say negative things about herself.

As the fates would have it, Mazzarino is the head writer for Sesame Street. He decided he had to do something to address the serious disconnect between young African American girls and their perception of what it takes to be beautiful.

The irony of this story is not lost on me. It took a white man with the power to influence the powerful imagery that eminates from a major media vehicle on a daily basis to create and market a stuffed caricature that could neutralize at least one of the deleterious impacts made by Mattel's Major Money Maker Barbie.

Will it work? That will depend a lot upon how enlightened the mainstream business community become. You see, there is yet another double standard at play in the workplace that seriously affects how black women regard their hair. If you watched the "Good Hair" clip above you saw actor Paul Mooney imply -- okay, it was in your face -- that many white people are more comfortable around blacks whose hair is straight, no matter HOW it got that way. Case in point:

Just before I retired from AT&T in 2000, I went on a boondoggle to Jamaica with a colleague. (I'll bet those days are gone forever!) While she called herself *working* with the community leader she was schmoozing, I went down to the beach and had my hair braided and anchored with colorful beads. I spent a lot of time in the surf and had grown tired of torturing my relaxed hair into shape after every outing.

When I returned to Atlanta I decided to leave the braids in place for a while because I had become quite content with both the look and the freedom. Besides, I had begun to think seriously about retiring so I didn't much care about the so-called repercussions; i.e., questioning of my professionalism. I wanted to see what would happen if I "kept it real."

"Wow, Lezlie. I didn't even recognize you. Welcome back. Making another one of your fashion statements, are you?" This from my boss's boss, a red-headed good ole boy who talked incessantly about how liberal and open-minded he was. Yeah, right.

Next day: "Well, I see you are still letting your hair do your talking for ya'." I duly noted his meaning.

Day three: " How long are you planning to keep your hair like that?" Subtle, huh?

There are so many fronts on which a minority employee has to fight in the workplace, it becomes necessary, for one's personal sanity, to select her battles. The braids came out.

Now that the mighty Sesame Street has taken on this sensitive subject, maybe we are on the road to self-acceptance.

And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to get caught in the rain without freaking out because of the instant frizziness that will happen on top of my head. Hell, maybe I'll even stop blowing it within an inch of its life to straighten it out...and then turn around and curl it "acceptably" with a hot curling iron. Maybe I will be able to take the last step of freeing myself from the self-loathing that caused me to lie at times about the way my hair really is. Maybe I will.



Sources:

ABC News


Comments:
sigh, I love black hairstyles. I always wanted bantu knots, but didn't want to look like a poser. Braids are my favorites on other people- the tiny ones that are mostly fake and go on for miles- I know they a pain to have put in, but god they look gorgeous.

hyblaean- Julie

How much would it take for our American society to give up trying to rubber stamp people? We may never know. This could take decades.

Wonderful work.

Rated
Halloween Maven

Sorry, didn't mean to ignore the racism part of this post. It reminds me of the video where the black girl picks the white doll as "better." You know there is a problem with how we are teaching African American kids when that happens. The amount of racism that gets pulled in when you live in that kind of toxic environment is damaging in ways we will never understand or be able to compensate for.

hyblaean- Julie

My hair and I have come to an uneasy truce. I leave it alone and it stays on top of my head.....for now....somewhat...

Torman

I watched "Good Hair" and was astonished to see the extraordinary and expensive measures African-American women went to in order to look like they don't have African-American hair. What a pity. Natural hair is good hair in my book.

And something that stuck with me from that film, all the women saying "don't touch my hair!" Good grief, one of the most sensual things a man can do for a woman is to brush her hair... my former sweetie loved it. And running my fingers through a woman's hair is sexy for me.

One of my neighbors is a tall, beautiful African-American woman with natural hair. I was looking at her this morning, before reading this piece, and thinking how stunning she looks.

Natural is da bomb.

David Kinne

It's funny, everytime I look at your picture, I think to myself, I wish I could do that pixie look and get away with it. I love your do. I had no idea you straighteded it which I am sure is time consuming. Retired you should go with what you are comfortable with..I like going without makeup, but I look faint and overly white..sickish..so I am trying to find makeup that looks natural but gives me at least "skin-tone" color instead of 'paper' color..ha..guess we all have stuff we'd like to change..any make-up makes me look like I have too much on. Whatcha gonna do? lol.

cindy Prochnow

hyblaean=Julie: You are not the first white person to tell me they like black hairstyles. And yet, our little girls continue to feel less than... That is because I think there are a lot of men who, if they are honest, prefer straight long hair.

HM aka PW: Decades indeed. I feel as if I'm running out of time, but I'll work on it until the end.

Torman: But it still has the last word, doesn't it? lol

L in the Southeast

Cindy: As soon as I announced I was retiring I never touched another bottle of hair color. That was my gift to myself and the beginning of my quest to find and stand in my authenticity.

L in the Southeast

I have long-ish, poofy blond white person hair, and it sheds incessently around the house, which drives my husband batty. I always joke that he just needs to say the word and I'll shave it all off. Life would certainly be easier. Rated.

Caroline K

Great post lezlie.. I saw the video this morning and just loved it. While I envy some of my friends hairstyles.. I do not envy the weekly cost and maintenance.

I still cannot believe that boss of yours..

blah

Rated with hugs

Linda Seccaspina

I feel the same way about what I've got going on downstairs..... maybe this could help make men accept that this is what we really look like.

O'Really?

Recently, I've been thinking about braiding and beading my hair.
{[R]}

Leepin Larry

I always liked an Afro on a Black Woman. To me it's sexy. But, I can see where the Barbie effect would kick in with kids, and adults for that matter. I have curly hair but always wanted straight hair. Terri has always had long beautiful straight hair, but wanted curly hair. I think we all want what we can't have sometime.

scanner

Well crap, I've wasted so much of my life not even caring about that stuff. I read about the cultural implications of this or that and me? I never gave it a thought. Do I know that there are different characteristics between races? Well of course, I am not blind. They just never seemed to matter to me much, I look like I do because I am what I am. You are the same.

I will admit I never quite understood the "process" business. Sure I can dig the desire to look different but really is it that terrible to look like you? I don't think so.

bobbot

I love my hair all three of them r. :)

Jonathan Wolfman

As I finished reading I thought of Whoopi Goldberg's one woman show that included a little girl who struts on stage wearing a long sleeved yellow shirt. She says something like, "Hi...this is my long luxurious blond hair..." I believe the new Sesame Street character can help in a major way because she's educating children.

heidibeth

Caroline: I was thinking that very thing this morning. I need a haircut, I don't want to spend the money and it is thinning out pretty rapidly these days. Ugh!

Linda: I don't do much to mine except get it cut, but you would be shocked at what the average black woman spends. My hairdresser says that *most* of her clients spend between $100-$200 per visit. I was bitching about my $70 haircut.

O'Really: Umm, what's going on downstairs??????

Larry: I think that would look smashing on you!

Scanner: Sexy, huh? I'm a little surprised by you and David saying that. I'm glad I did this piece. lol
L in the Southeast

I was obsessed with hair from an early age...about the time I figured out my mom made me look ridiculous. It is only the past couple of years I felt relaxed enough to let my hairdresser do whatever he wants and I trust it will look good. It's such a relief not to spend all that time (wasted) coloring and blow drying it straight. Now I let him color and we keep it short so no fuss.

In Beauty School I remember getting to do hair on a black woman who wanted it straightened. A nightmare to this novice...let it be is what is happening now.

Great post.

BuffyW

Buffy: In a weird sort of way I find it comforting to read that you were also obsessed. I am very glad to hear that you are also letting it go. :-)
L in the Southeast

When my daughter was in preschool, there was a lovely African American little girl in her class, with a typical little girl style--her mom had done her hair in a million little braids with beads.

My daughter's hair (we're both white) is thin, straight, spider-web fine, and mouse-brown.

She LOVED Taylor's hair. Loved it. She wanted a million little braids just like Taylor. I tried. Taylor's mom thought it was hilarious--she'd been so worried Taylor wouldn't like herself because her hair was different (it was a mostly white preschool). It was so wonderful to see the tables turned, and have my (white) daughter envy black curly hair.

I tried to do the braids, it didn't work, and we had a long talk about how everyone wants what they don't have, and the best thing she could do was figure out what her hair does well and do that.

Good for you, Lezlie, in letting your gray show. Good luck in finding a style you can live with that doesn't take over your life.

froggy

I am going to tippy-toe in here with a comment because I so enjoyed your take on this subject, L. I say “tippy-toe” because caution is in order lest one be misunderstood. I already appreciated the immensity of the cultural significance of this and the significance in our society as a whole, but it is a significance that I personally do not pretend to grasp totally. This is why I read your piece with so much interest.

My last lady friend up north was an African-American woman. All woman. We were an item for a little over a year until just before I actually did leave for Mexico, a decision that she did not accept, to put it mildly. It just so happens that she was—and is—a hairdresser. She would work hours over a single head putting in braids so tight that the little gals could not close their eyes. She also did dreadlocks and therefore worked on men's heads occasionally. “Heads” was her term. She suffered horribly from carpal tunnel syndrome in her hands, an occupational hazard. She also worked with those incredible chemicals.

I did not touch her hair.

I often lounged around the men's barbershop out front while waiting for her to finish a head at her chair in the back so that I could give her a lift. Here is something that I do know—that I am absolutely convinced of—in connection with this whole complex subject. Black men will more easily and more readily become comfortable with a white man who has hair down to his shoulders than with a white man whose hair is normally short. I do not pretend to know why, but it is certainly so. I enjoyed some of the most entertaining conversations of my life in that barbershop.

Chris Rock is a genius, which is only reconfirmed by his decision to take on this subject.

Brassawe

I love the look of corn rows. Remember the movie "10"? I wish I had my dad's red hair. By the way, who's that in your avatar photo?

Sarah Cavanaugh

froggy: That's such a cute story. Little children should be our roadmaps to change. They only know what they see and when they see something they like, they want it too. We adults are the ones who ply them with all these notions about what is good and what is not, what is appropriate and what is not when it comes to one's self. Thanks so much for sharing this with my readers.

L in the Southeast

I think it is sad that people obsess so much about their hair. Personally, I love the natural look on everybody. I hate to think how tough the chemicals are when we try to make our hair what it isn't. I have always had very thick, mostly curly hair. I tried for years to blow dry it straight and it never looked good to me. Now, I just wash it and put some conditioner in and go-peaceful and most days I don't hate it! I personally love the corn rows and braids and do not see why it would be a problem in the workplace! R

Libmomrn

Brassawe: You are such a fascinating man. Lucky for my white ex-husband (and for me, 'cuz I like having my head rubbed), I hardly ever prevented him from touching my hair. He never would have complied anyway. lol

I suspect your observation about black men accepting white men with longer hair is a result of learning to take visual cues to determine a person's point of view on things. Longer hair represents someone who does not bend to convention and is, therefore a lot more open-minded than the average guy who regularly gets his ears lowered.

L in the Southeast

I admitted long ago that had I could never have put myself through all of the hell and expense that my AA friends did v/v their hair. I would have gone with the 1/2 inch buzz, giant gold hoop ear rings and the Nubian princess look. Gorgeous in any season. This white girl finally learned to accept her own board-straight locks after about 40 years. I don't even try to get it to do anything it won't do pretty much on its own style-wize, but I am living, walking proof that blondes CAN have more fun, if they really, really, really want to.

Memeishere

Great post. I can't think of the right comments for it. But well done.

kateasley

libmomrn: I remember when the curly perms were all the rage for white girls. I used to shake my head and laugh. They want curly and lie in the sun to get darker skin; we want straight hair and envy those among us who have lighter skin. Go figure.

memeishere: I, too, love that close-cropped look with giant hoops. I'm thinking about it. :-)

L in the Southeast

October 19, 2010 04:24 PMSo much is read into hair, usually foolishly. Back in my hippie days, we didn't trust anybody whose hair was short. Even now, I sometimes wear it a little longer than I should, as if I was exhibiting some lame form of nonconformity. Maybe I should just shave it all off and be done with it - it's going to fall out anyway.

Cranky Cuss

Cranky: I think you should go ahead and shave it off. I love that look! Of course, the fact that my son the movie star shaves his head has nothing at all to do with it. :-)

L in the Southeast

PMThis is a great post. I support anything that makes people appreciate and accept their body and the hair on top of it. That it has to do with "Sesame Street," is a bonus. R.

Alysa Salzberg

Great post Lezlie. Good for Sesame Street!

trilogy

Love it! The first time I heard this song my grandson was singing it and trying to breakdance. Imagine.

Fay Paxton

Alysa: Thanks!
Trilogy: Thanks for reading.
Fay: Trying to breakdance? Priceless!

L in the Southeast

Gimme a head of hair, long beautiful hair...I want long, straight, curly, fuzzy, snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty

Oily, greasy, fleecy, shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen

Knotted, polka dotted, twisted, beaded, braided

Powered, flowered and confettied

Bangled, tangled, spangled and spahettied...


Yeah!

Matt Paust

Matt: Ooooh, say can you see

My eyes, if you can

Then my hair's too short...

L in the Southeast

My husband told me about this new character last night and I was over the moon. This is exactly what little black girls need to help them learn to appreciate their natural hair as it is. My hair was chemically relaxed for more than 15 years. Once I discovered kinky twists and locs I never looked back. My daughter's hair is locked as well, but there are very few black kids in her school and I sense that she still envies the long, flowy tresses of her classmates, just as I did at her age. This standard of beauty thing, especially hair, is a tough one that takes years to resolve. I hope this character helps the next generation.

bluestocking babe

Everyone has to be comfortable with themselves. I get a cut from a cheap place once every couple of months. I just want it cleaned up. I don't set, spray or play with it. I just don't care mostly. It looks okay mostly, and my husband always tells me it looks good. I think that explains my perception of myself. He loves me so to him it looks good. Ha. I admire people who are who they are. Authentic, whatever that means to them. I got this way in the last several years. Don't know exactly when. Once in a while I color it to make the silver gray match the patches of brownish blonde. I like the look, it makes me feel special. That happens with so much time in between, I usually forget what color or brand of hair dye I actually bought the last time or they change the packaging. Seriously. I am happy you are happy with you.

SheilaTGTG55

Your boss's boss was a red headed asshat! Nothing is lovelier than a gorgeous soft natural hairstyle on a sister. But also I am in perpetual awe at the creativity of some of the hair do creations I see when I join the ladies at the salon...Pure art.

Linnnn

When in a support group back in the seventies (remember those?), we were asked to write a biography of our hair. What tales were told and none were spared the agony of everything you describe. I always thought it was such an interesting notion that we all had our hair issues no matter what. Very interesting piece. r

Rosycheeks

I had a girlfriend and she had this enormous coif and I asked her, "What did you do to your hair?"

She replied, "No, look what my hair has done to me."

Black Jack Davy

Cartouche reminded me of something I haven't thought of in a long time, and that I'll bet a lot of women never think of either, at the time. When i was younger I was once cruised by a femme fatale, today we'd call her a cougar, with big hair, blazing red. I wasn't in a relationship, and I said "what the hell?" When we started getting down to business, the first thing I noticed was the hormone replacement patch. Then the significant geological displacement that occurred when the upper support work was removed. Then finally the distinct mismatch between the carpet and the drapes. Still, grey and red harmonize well, and we had a pleasant interlude together, but still... it was a bit of an unexpected surprise.

David Kinne

bb: What I found (and still find) so compelling about other types of hair is the relative ease of styling for so many. And shine. Shine on our hair is so hard to come by, and is most often acheived through a product that is greasy, which I hate. But I also envy some black woman whose hair is very coarse and therefore retains its style under the most inclement weather circumstances.

Sheila: I'd love to take a page out of your I-don't-care book.

Linnnn: Asshat is much too nice a description...

Rosycheeks: That must have been an interesting class. It's true that everyone seems to dislike what they have when it comes to hair.
BJD: She's right, you know.

L in the Southeast

I just got home from work and one of the first things out of my daughter's mouth was the mention of the Sesame Street video. I think it is great. Excellent post Lezlie.

The Wright Sight

LMAO! Dave, you encountered a real cougar. And the euphemisms! Priceless.


L in the Southeast

Wright: Oh, that does my heart good. I think that scene is being repeated in households all over the country. Joey did a very good thing.

L in the Southeast